So This Is What It Takes to Get Me to Blog Again...

 *Warning: A lot of this may not make any sense. I'm simply using this as a means to get my thoughts out of my head.*

Loneliness is an unpleasant feeling in which a person feels a strong sense of emptiness and solitude resulting from inadequate levels of social relationships.

Boredom is an emotional state experienced when an individual is left without anything in particular to do, and is not interested in their surroundings.

I can't decide which one of these terms I'm feeling at the moment.

Like most people I know, I like to be social. I like to hang out with people I have the most in common with. But I realize that that's not always possible. My mom always told me that I should have no reason to be bored--that I should make my own fun. She also says I shouldn't make myself "too available", meaning that I shouldn't be too eager to want to hang out with people. I find that I generally dislike people who have nothing better to do than to cling to others for entertainment. But that makes me highly hypocritical as I, myself, am one of those people.

Sometimes I make the critical mistake of assuming that I'm a fun and interesting person, and that people would love to have me in their presence. It's rather cocky of me, really. I guess it's sort of humbling when people don't invite me to hang out with them. It reminds me that I need to distance myself from people so I don't "smother" them, so to speak. I guess it also gives me time to analyze myself and my behavior to figure out why I didn't get invited and what I could do to change that. Some people don't think as far as I do. I guess I'm a people-pleaser. That was always a concern of my mother's. She used to remind me all the time, "You can't make everyone happy." Hmmm... that probably voids the purpose of my self-analysis, but I can't help but do it anyway...

I do my best not to invite myself to hang out with people. It's highly invasive. I know I wouldn't like it if someone moved in on my plans without an invite. It's rude of me to do the same. Besides, it's not like what other people are doing is the ONLY thing I could be doing. Like mommy said, I gotta make my own fun.