Miss Independent?

Today was a nice day. I didn't want to let it go to waste in Mobile, so I took a spontaneous trip to Florida. It was my first time going... yup,  just me and Justin Timberlake in his Suit and Tie telling me about That Girl with the Strawberry Bubblegum. The trip was so pleasant and relaxing--just what I needed to take my mind off of things. I can't believe I didn't do it sooner.

*Ugh... why couldn't that have been a true story? :-/*

I don't wanna say I had a terrible childhood, but I was let down quite a bit. I attribute it to having so many people on a high pedestal. This is something I struggled with MUCH of my life, even in adulthood. It was super easy to hurt my feelings.

At this point, I feel like I don't have ANYone on a pedestal. At least I think I don't... I mean, I don't expect too much good out of people anymore, but that doesn't explain the frustration and disappointment (which could easily be confused for hatred) that I feel when particular people come to mind. Is this a side effect of dismantling the mantle? I'm not sure.

I've taken a fancy to being alone. While it's nice to hang out with other people, I'm not interested in having people "adjust their busy schedules" or "settle" for being around me. I don't want anything to be forced. What's the point? Anything I can do by myself--like eat, go to a game, paint--I'm glad to do it alone. If people wanna join me, that's their prerogative. I'm just not gonna be the one offering these opportunities to people who clearly don't have the fucking time.

*sigh* I don't know why I'm so bitter right now. I honestly don't know what it's like to spread my time across something more than school and JP. In fact, I'm pretty sure I spend more time with JP than anything else. At times I feel like I'm too committed to it... too passionate about it. I haven't thought to do anything else on campus until this year, thinking about being an RA.  I would like to be able to do both, but I've thought about quitting JP so many times. I used to have so much joy walking into the office everyday. Lately, the only thing on my mind when I walk in is "ugh, I gotta deal with these people again..." I don't like thinking like that, but I can't help it. I work with some really selfish, lazy people. Those types of people aren't the easiest to motivate. I don't know if I have the energy for it anymore. It's like poison...

I hate that it took me this long to "say" something about this, but we're so close to the end of this year that it doesn't make much sense to voice anything to them. We'll just see what happens (<---and it's that mentality that got me to this point. I need a new strategy NOW.).